Why does a beautiful love fall apart into hate and misery? How did the love of your life turn into your opponent? Once upon a time you were happy and gentle, then one day you wake up and it’s like it was all a dream. Where did you go wrong? How could you have been so blind? How could this have happened? Will this always be how relationships are?
Will love always end in pain?
The start of a relationship is so beautiful. It seems like the world is bathed in golden light, flower blossoms are brighter, birdsong is sweeter, the air is fresher. When you look upon your love, it is as though you have stars in your eyes. Your heart swells and glows with a radiant love unknown before you met. You understand each other, you relate to each other, you have so much in common. Surely this is the end of the search for peace and love.
You have found each other, and nothing could ever come between your love.
At first, you laugh at the sweetness of your uniqueness and offer words of encouragement. Then your differences become something to accept, and you offer loving suggestions. Then you count your similarities, and ask kindly for compromise. Then you cling to the threads that remain, and beg or command that they change.
Then it’s all gone, lost like a mirage.
How could this happen? What happened to the love? You both changed, you both revealed all that you initially hid, but why couldn’t love carry you through? What is this ache in your heart? What is this craving in your soul?
You are seeking a perfect love.
Is it any wonder that everyone falls short of perfect love? You want someone to love you for all that you are, all that is beautiful and ugly in you. You want a love you can rely on to be there no matter what you do. You want a love that never changes. You want a love that will never abandon you, no matter what happens. You want a love that fills your heart and heals your soul.
These desires reside in your subconscious, and manifest through the slow death of your relationships. It is natural for resentment to build when you desperately seek to be filled with love, and the source of your love seems to be withholding it. Even though they are not intentionally withholding love from you, and even if you know that is true, the agony of craving soul-healing love burns your joy to ashes. No matter how you decide to respond to this lack of love (loving harder, begging, rejection, anger) nothing works to make them fill you with love in the way they once did.
You just can’t make another person fill you with love.
The therapists and helpful friends then guide you to learn to love yourself. This is understandable, because you are never going to leave yourself, so by being your own source of love, you should always feel loved. It is also understandable that a person who doesn’t love themselves will struggle to love others. Yet we have a knowing inside of us that insists there is a deep love out there to connect with. That knowing also insists that loving each other is the most important thing we can do. So becoming self-contained, self-loving being without need for others, while a reasonable proposition, simply doesn’t speak to the deepest truth in our souls.
Where should you look for love?
The first question to answer is; what is love? What is this deep ache in the centre of the chest? What is this desire to help lift others from suffering? What is this selfless sense of sacrifice that drives us to dive into ice water to save the drowning? Where does this come from? If it was explainable by survival of the fittest, then surely the “weak” would be allowed to perish from their weakness, whether it is physical, mental or emotional? Yet we don’t want to see those we love suffer. We don’t even want strangers to perish if we can help. Where is this beautiful selfless sacrificial love that makes our hearts ache emanating from?
Love is an emanation from God.
Jesus Christ is Love Incarnate.
The love we feel is God’s love. All the love from every being is from God. All the love you give is God’s love. Jesus Christ, our Heavenly Father of Love, lives in spirit, right now and forever. Through Christ, we can experience the Love that our souls desire. Our deepest desire is finally fulfilled. Our deepest need is finally met.
Once you truly desire to love everyone, just as Christ did, then you will be able to connect with Christ’s love. Once you get to a place where you are ready to stop suffering, and experience profound love, you will feel Christ’s love.
You will connect with our God, The God of Love, when you want to live in love.
You may think that you don’t want to suffer, but upon closer inspection, you will find that you are addicted to suffering so deeply, that you keep choosing it again and again. You are comfortable with pain. You feel normal when you are in pain. The deep wounds rended in childhood made pain your “normal”, and since then you have feared entering back into love, because you have known betrayal. Everywhere you have looked for love has led to more pain. The atheist world has taught you that the fact there are so many religions means that there is not truth in any of them. That choosing any religion would be arbitrary, so don’t even try.
Let me tell you, there is a God, and Love is the source.
If you want to soar with the angels, filled with Love, then you must live as an angel does. The angels sing praises to the source of life. The angels rejoice in the infinite love of God. The angels never tire of worshipping God. The angels are loved by God. What more love could an angel need than the Love of God? Do you think the angels could ever act out of pain, creating hate, anger, resentment, jealousy, or any other negative state when they are in a mutual relationship with the God of Love? You can become an angel if you truly desire it.
When you turn to God, you are fulfilled. Never again will you need a frail human to save your broken heart.
So to answer the question, “why do my relationships always fail”, it is because you have sought the love of God, but in ignorance sought it in a flawed human being.
How do I fix my broken relationships?
- Choose love
- Desire to be as Christ is
- Patiently observe how you create suffering
- Wonder at Christ’s infinite commitment to love
- Praise Christ for His merciful Love
- Worship God for His infinite Love
- Experience the beautiful rewards of true faith
- Experience the deepening connection
God will take care of your life, including your relationships.
Once you stop seeking fulfilment in human love, and stop trying to change people to be what you think they should be, then all relationships will resolve themselves in God’s perfection. With your gaze fixed on God, all will be healed. God will lead you to the light. Jesus Christ has saved us from the darkness.