I can’t kill myself, that is an illusion of d’evil.
All I can do is destroy the sacred creation of God which I inhabit. Then my soul will be released, and I will not know what to do. I know nothing of how to exist outside the physical realm, but I know this, I cannot kill my SELF. I can only harm the vessel I inhabit so gravely that I can no longer dwell within it, but I cannot kill the perceiver. The perceiver does not suffer; suffering is an illusion. The perceiver is eternal, so I cannot “kill myself”, that is a lie and a deception of d’evil.
When you offer yourself up to God and give him your life, totally willing to cease your mortal life and face His judgement, and even accept being cast into Hell, you will find that you will live! You will discover that you are eternal. You cannot kill yourself. You cannot kill anything, you can only cease the function of your body.
Come before God and lay it all out. Be completely honest about everything and be reborn. Pledge to never mortally wound your body, and embrace Christ, who is waiting for you. Christ will take you to heaven when you take your last breath, you just have to come to Him first.
(d’evil is my way of saying Devil which sounds like “the evil”. In contrast God sounds like “good”)